FPWA
Sunday, May 23rd 2010 @ 10:44 AM
FPWA by Michael Malgeri
"Oh yes! That's a THOUSAND," I said looking up at the long thin paint bubble that had formed across the dining room ceiling. No doubt a pipe had sprung a leak and my trusty foot measurements pinpointed the culprit as either the kids' toilet or tub.
"Oh, it must be the wax ring," I surmised, leveraging the water torture I sustained in the basement beneath the toilet on our main level...drip, drip, drip. So one hour and two smashed knuckles later, as I gazed down at a perfectly normal wax ring, I concluded, "It must be the tub."
At this point I put away my tools and said, "Let's call a plumber." It's not that I'm incapable of destroying, uhhh, removing fixtures, bathroom tiles, and ceiling drywall. It's the frightening result when I put it back together.
Sure enough, when the plumber arrived I could tell by the way he rubbed his chin, tapped the tile and wrote down the numbers $1000 on the repair quote that my original guess of a $1000 was accurate. That is, of course, until FPWA. FPWA is a domestic phenomenon that manifests itself whenever there's an opportunity for interior design upgrades, in this case replacing the shower and tub fixtures. I was hit with FPWA while re-stocking at Costco. My cell phone rang; it was my wife, assigning a new task to peruse the bathroom design section of Home Depot. The net effect was the original "THOUSAND" ended up being $1400.
So if you haven't figured it out yet, FPWA stands for the "Forty Percent Wife Adjustment." I warn you, "Forty Percent" sometimes means "Four Thousand Percent" as I learned when the $200 kitchen upgrade turned into an $8000 remodel...and not a single faucet was leaking.
On the flip side, there needs to be someone in our house with a sense of artisanship to counter my absurd inclination to re-install the 30 year old plastic fixtures with the unrecognizable "H" and "C" labels.
Anyway, the leak is fixed, the bathroom looks great but the ceiling still needs to be repaired. While I'm grateful the FPWA enhanced our bathroom, I hope our ceiling isn't destined to be the next Sistine Chapel.
© Michael Malgeri, 2010
Editor’s Note: Michael teaches kids about honest profit making. Visit http://www.kids4biz.com
Taking the Plunge...er
Friday, May 7th 2010 @ 1:30 PM
Taking the Plunge...er by Michael Malgeri
So there I was last Saturday morning engaged in the daily combat ritual with my Stairmaster when my daughter showed up. Her teary eyes and pouty mouth were so un-Saturday.
"What's wrong sweetie?" I panted.
The tear volume increased rapidly and the pout morphed agressively to a legitimate sob.
"Mom...Mom...Mom's very upset with meeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
"WHY THAT..." Just kidding. Mom and I are always on the same page but when it comes to our daughter, I typically assume the good cop role. "How come?" I asked.
"I was playing in the bathroom and made the mirror fall off the wall. Boooo hoooo, hoooo, hooo."
It was a hanging mirror and since she wasn't covered in blood and I didn't hear screaming from the floors above I assumed no one was dying from broken glass lacerations. So I followed her upstairs to check it out and found the rather large mirror off its hooks and resting lopsided on the counter. My wife was still a bit miffed and when she saw the perpetrator again her disapproving glance induced another round of tears. I needed to separate them.
"OK," I said. "It's over now. Go to your room and do something kidlike." Then I turned to the task of remounting the mirror, wondering why it fell in the first place. After all, I was the handy man mounting guy.
"Can you help me get this back on its hooks?" I was talking to my wife.
As she and I lifted our respective ends of the mirror and searched for the wall mounts I said, "Why did you get so upset? This is pretty run of the mill for a kid don't you think? What...was she playing with a ball or something? Was she curious? Did she climb up on the counter and bump against it by accident? I'm glad it didn't break."
She didn't answer me but when the mounting was finished she turned, stared for a few awkward moments and said, "SHE STUCK THE PLUNGER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MIRROR AND PULLED!"
© Michael Malgeri 2010
Editor’s Note: Michael teaches kids about honest profit making. Visit http://www.kids4biz.com
